Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just cropdusted the office
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
