I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
