and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
