Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
True strength comes from lack of pants
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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