I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
