piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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