Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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