AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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