mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
