i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
