she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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