Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize