I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
