did you get engaged???
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
