Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
