i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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