Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
