we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
