so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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