I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize