Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
