You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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