I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
