My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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