yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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