He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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