I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
