Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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