and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
