Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize