I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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