Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
