It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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