Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
