Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
