So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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