I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
