Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
