your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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