he puts the penis in happiness.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize