So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
