Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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