What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
