PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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