He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Someone signed my nipple.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
