I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
