Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
mondays should just be called national damage control day
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
