Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
