i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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