I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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