somebody snuck up and got me drunk
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
