It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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