Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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