how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize