I can text with my tongue
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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