it was like eating out sand paper
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize