Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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