just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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