The maid of honor just puked.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
