I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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