quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
