i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
