I'm lost and stupid without you.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
