What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
