I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
