Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
