What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
