I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
