bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
