I got chris browned last night
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
