btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
