For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
