So drunk its hurt
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
