dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
