all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
