9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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