time to smoke my breakfast
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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