did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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