I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
