your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
