he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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