she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In other news, I just burned my penis
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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