I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
