I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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