it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
