mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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