Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
