I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
