Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
