This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
