What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
