we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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